Months of whining and crying by President George W. Bush have finally paid off, as
the United Nations is willing to get tough with Saddam Hussein and Iraq.
"It's about time!" Bush said behind tears of joy. "I mean, you dream of this day,
but you never really expect it to come so soon. This is unbelievable."
Bush immediately called all his "old buddies" from Texas and invited them to an
enormous barbecue on the White House back lawn.
Ryan's Opinion: It's about dang time! I don't see what the stinkin' hold-up
was. Just nuke those camel-jockeys back to the Stone Age and steal their oil!
Why is this so complicated? It's simple logic, people.
So a vast nuclear assault isn't your flavor? I guess there are other ways to steal
the oil. Just send a stealth submarine into the Persian Gulf and bore through the
land until an oil deposit is reached. Then suck it dry!
As for Hussein's "weapons of mass destruction," lets be honest here--this is a
third-world country we're talking about. Do you really think they could have any
sort of threatening weapon? I think not. Which is exactly why we need not fear
retaliation to our decisive attack.
And that, dear readers, is the news.
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