 |
| Ryan is clealy the superior of the two |
 |
| How could anyone find him better than our precious webmaster? |
"There's no contest," said housewife and supermodel Trixie Michaels, "Ryan is just better than (Richi) in so many ways, there's just no way to count. How could anyone think differently?"
Voters were asked to consider several aspects of the two high school seniors, spanning over physical appearance, mental capacity, personal character, and abilities and talents. After pondering these traits, they were asked to not only give their vote, but to fill out another ballot in which they marked who is greater in very specific areas.
 |
| The more simple of the two ballots |
As part of his victory, Ryan receives a scented candle, a free T-Shirt, bragging rights, a new computer, and "a whole lotta ladies," as he says it. As part of Richi's loss, he receives a kick in the pants, a sweaty towel, and a lifetime of misery and woe.
The election was overseen by recent Baseball Hall of Fame inductee Ozzie "The Wizard" Smith, who said he's always had a fondness for Ryan and settling disputes of this nature. "I hate to see people getting the wrong impression about these two fellows. It's better that we sort this all out, so there is no question about the wide gap between them..."
"Ryan is better. That's all there is too it."
Former President Gerald Ford agreed. "What a fine example of what America can do for a young man's character. As for that other guy... well, isn't there some kind of hospital he should be in?"
Ryan did not seem too excited. "Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled, and grateful to everyone who voted for me. But it's just not much of a surprise. I saw it coming a mile away. Especially because I rig--wait... not supposed to tell you that."
Richi was not available for comment, but Ryan suggested he'd probably say something along the lines of, "I had it coming. Ryan is, after all, much, much better than me. I applaud the actions of the people."