Holidays
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It's what every boyfriend dreads. You wake up one morning, go throughout your
normal daily routine, when suddenly, she pops in with a message:
"Happy Valentine's Day!"
Sweet mother of mercy, please no. You totally forgot, didn't you? And you know you
just blew all your money on that new sub for your car, so getting her a present now
will be one tricky piece of work.
Holidays, be they Valentines Day, Christmas, or just her birthday, can be a doozie
on both your mind and on your wallet. Luckily, I know how to show your girl a
romantic, yet easy and low-cost, holiday.
Your first responsibility is a card. Cards have gotten expensive these days,
with the high demand and all. A decent card can run upwards to $3! So a good
way to save money is to make one of your own, using paper and crayons.
Looks good, costs no money, and seems "romantic" because it "comes from the
heart." Way to slip one by her!
Next you'll need some candy. If you thought cards were expensive, get ready for
a real whopper... candy can run you around $15, so you might as well not even
try. But hey, as long as your making your own card, why not make your own candy?
Isn't a box of candy just basically chocolate separated into little pockets?
That's right, your old friend Hershey's Chocolate Syrup to the rescue! Dump it
into your mother's muffin tin and shove it in the freezer. When you pull it out,
you have your very own tin of chocolates.
Now that you have the essentials, you can go to her house. Wait... we forgot
something... Oh no! Flowers! Those are more expensive than candy and a card
combined! Well, you yoinked flowers from her yard on your first date, so you
might as well do it again now.
NOW you have everything you need. What are your plans for the evening? Fancy
French restaurant? Keep dreaming. Losers who make their own cards and candy
and pick flowers from their date's yard don't do restaurants.
Take advantage of the situation. Girls love a guy who can cook, so grab
a can of chili, or a box of mac and cheese.
There you have it! A romantic holiday that's easy on your mind and your wallet.
With all this romance going on, don't forget to try to sneak that goodnight
kiss, even if it means taking yet another slap.
...Dang.
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