Holy rusted metal, Batman! I have a job!
And my first duty as an employee of Sears is to confirm that I am not a
crack addict. Seems easy enough. They give me papers and and address, and I'm
on my way.
I'm told that I had to do it that day in order for them to get the results
in time. But it'ss only 11:00. The day is young. I think about getting lunch,
playing some games, and relaxing otherwise. But this place is right by Sears,
so I figure I might as well take care of it while I'm out there.
Now, I periodically get blood drawn to test the level of my medication. It barely
takes me 15 minutes. I go over there, sign in, give them my insurance card,
wait five minutes for a call, and I'm in and out of the exam room in a little
over a minute. I'm thinking this drug test will be no different. I've done this
a thousand times, this will be no sweat.
I arrive at Centra-something Medical at 11:15. The first thing I notice is
that there are FORTY OTHER PEOPLE THERE. I panic momentarily, until I catch
a sign that says people there for drug testing will be called separately from
other patients.
I exhale. All these people can't be here for drug tests. No way. The lady
who the receptionists are helping is telling her life story, so I stand there
holding my papers for a while before I check in at 11:20.
And then things got fun.
11:20 - I sit down. I see a lone chair near the door, and find that to be the
most attractive seat in the room.
11:22 - I'm sitting next to a Mike'n'Ikes machine. And a gumball machine. The
gumball machine has a few plastic balls with money inside. But I don't have a
quarter. This is the beginning of my torment.
11:30 - The Young and the Restless is on. Eh... why not? I watch it.
11:36 - A bit of an oversight on my part: the chair I'm sitting it is right
by the windows. The windows with the hot sun coming in. The windows with the
hot sun coming in and baking me alive. I could get up, but... so... tired...
11:47 - Oh... my... Gosh... Chris strangled Isabella? That monster! I'll kill
him!
12:00 - The 12:00 news comes on. I have been sitting for 40 minutes.
12:10 - There's a vending maching directly across the room from me. I DO have
a job now... but I still don't feel like getting up. Even with the sun beating
down on my shoulders. And what if I get called right after I get it, and I have
to leave it undefended in a room full of thirsty people?
12:13 - Wait a minute. I didn't put up the windshield shade! Or crack the
windows! My car is going to be 150 degrees when I get out there!
12:14 - I could run out there really fast and open the windows.
12:15 - But what if they call my name when I'm out there? Will they skip
right over me?
12:16 - If I'm this hot in an air conditioned room, just think how hot my car
is getting.
12:17 - No. It's not worth risking my place in line.
12:29 - Aren't these the same people I've been staring at for 69 minutes?
Is anyone being called?
12:30 - As the World Turns is on now. Hey, I watched one soap opera, why stop
there?
12:45 - It's getting pretty heavy--Lily caught Rose with Dusty, and demanded
she choose between her sister and her lover.
12:50 - You know what? Unemployment isn't that bad. I have all the free time
I want, I can earn spending money by doing odd jobs... Yeah, I could leave
and forget about Sears altogether. Why not?
12:58 - A lady who's been here about as long as me is pacing the floor,
muttering about being there forever. Whine, whine, whine.
1:00 - I start banging my head on the window behind me. There's a girl sitting
near me that's about 15, and she laughs. I tell her I've been there a while.
1:07 - Someone calls my name. I sign a few forms. I glance at the magazine rack,
and see a Sports Illustrated on it. Dangit! I could have been reading that the
past hour and a half!
1:08 - I sit down with the magazine. Wait a minute. There's an article about
Emmitt Smith breaking the all-time rushing record. This magazine is from
November! NOOOO!
1:09 - Someone else calls my name. I give a condescending look around the room
at my inferiors still waiting for their name.
1:13 - I check out. Goodnight, ladies, I have to leave you now.
1:20 - As a final injustice, my BK bag tips over on my way home and fries
spill all over the floor.
Now, a quick math lesson before I let you go. I was in there for four minutes.
When I got there at 11:20, there were about 40 people in the room. If every
single one of those people was there for a drug test, it would take about
160 minutes to get to me, or 2 hours and 40 minutes. But you have to subtract
those people that are there with patients. And people there for injuries,
not drug tests. I'd estimate that's about 25 people, based on people I saw
with casts, and people talking with each other. So it should have taken me
an hour tops to get back there. Positively sickening.
And so begin the nightmares of my employment.
|
|