Ryan's Job

Note: No, I'm not really THIS cocky. The way I see it, what's the point of having webspace if I can't use it inflate my low self esteem? The point is, I do mess up sometimes. This is just a joke because Ryan's Job was desperate for material at the time.

As I see it, an employed person has three basic objectives:

1. Make a lot of money
2. Find ways to cut corners
3. Don't get fired

I started work at Sears two and a half months ago. Objective one was promptly met--I have more money than I have ever had in my life. Objective two took some time, but I'm finding new ways to cheat at my job all the time.

I've lost a substantial amount of sleep over objective three. It took me 11 months to find this job. Imagine trying to find another job. And I wouldn't be able to put Sears down as work experience, because I'd have to tell them I was fired. And that certainly would not look good on a job application. So for a while, whenever I committed the slightest error, I broke into a cold sweat and started working harder than I am proud of.

Until recently. Lately, something has changed. Things are very, very different for me at Sears. I was assigned a new Lead a few weeks ago, Ruby, and since then I believe I have acheived the rank of "Go-to Guy". Whenever Ruby wants something done, and done well, I am her man.

Today, as I unlocked a leather jacket for an Hispanic man, I came to a realization. Read, young viewer, and read well. If it is at all possible that one man could rise above his peers, and reach a status of un-fire-ablity, I attest to you, I am that man. If that idea is simply fabrication, then believe that I have come as close as any man before me.

Let it be known that I rock Ruby's world more than any other MCA could possibly fathom. Not convinced? Then behold, Doubting Thomas--The Clock of Invulnerability!


This silver clock, as a gift from Ruby, is a testament to said rocking. As long as it is my possession, I am a king among men (well... six girls and one guy). My work is flawless. Ruby says so. Kelly says so. Bill says so. Barb hasn't said it, but she's thinking it.

I. Am. Unstoppable.